Over the past few weeks (with a break last week for Christmas) I’ve been writing about Ways to Improve Your Relationship. This week I’d like to write about a topic that has caught my attention – things happy couples talk about. I will get back to the ways to improve your relationship in a couple of weeks.
A study has recently been published saying that people are happier when they spend more time discussing meaningful topics rather than just engaging in small talk. By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to find meaning in an otherwise pretty chaotic world; interpersonally, as you find this meaning, your bond with your interactive partner will strengthen and you will be happier.
Meaningful conversations can have a large number of topics, some example are: embarrassing moments, political views, fears and insecurities, childhood, relationships outside of the couple, family life, the future, etc. Even if you feel like you know your partner very well on an intimate level, there may be something about them that will still surprise you. Things you thought you knew may have changed since the last time you talked about it. Remember how exciting the conversations were when you first met and were getting to know each other?
Using the Gottman Love Map Exercise (many versions of this are available on the internet) you can learn more about each other. Below is a list of numbered questions. Each chose 10 questions randomly by number without looking at the questions; next, each of you ask your partner your questions taking turns alternating who is asking the questions.
1. Name two of my closest friends.
2. What was I wearing when we first met?
3. What personal improvements do I want to make in my life?
4. Who is my favorite poet?
5. Who is my favorite relative?
6. What is my fondest unrealized dream?
7. What if my favorite time of day for lovemaking?
8. What was one of my best childhood experiences?
9. What do I like most to do with my time off?
10. What is my favorite number?
11. What do I fear most?
12. Which side of the bed do I prefer?
13. What medical problems do I worry about most?
14. What is my favorite romantic restaurant?
15. Name one of my favorite novels.
16. Name two of the people I admire most (living or dead).
17. What is my favorite sex position?
18. What spot on my body is most sensitive?
19. What was my most embarrassing moment?
20. What is my favorite outfit to wear when I want to look sexy?
21. Do I prefer flowers or candy?
22. What is my favorite holiday?
23. What physical quality am I most attracted to in the opposite sex?
24. When was the first time I had sex?
25. What is my favorite tree?
26. Do I have a secret ambition? What is it?
27. What did I think about you when we first met?
28. When did we have our first kiss?
29. What is my favorite getaway place?
30. What is my favorite way to spend an evening?
Have fun exploring in the New Year.